Really. Stop. Just stop. It’s fucking gross and you are wiping snot all over yourself and every body and every thing you touch, you idiot.
Sure, the apocalyptic flu season has passed for this side of the world, but the trees are all having sloppy sex and dumping all their spunk all over everything and everyone, so… lots of us are sneezing, a lot, everywhere, on everything and everyone… it’s a vicious spunk cycle. And we might as well take this opportunity to discuss your hand sneezy problem.
“Come on, it’s not like i’m spreading GERMS” wah wah wah… arg. No, I guess you won’t harm anyone else at the moment with your disgustingness, just yourself because YOU’RE GROSS AND NO ONE WANTS TO GET NEAR YOU!
But how about you practice this now, when you aren’t harming anyone, so when the flu makes its annual migration back into town you won’t contribute to the EPIDEMIC! AHHHH! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
But I digress… we’re talking about how gross you are…
So, rather than fail as a human in public, please instead sneeze into your bent arm, like this…
It’s not any more difficult than ignoring the feeling of sticky, wet mucus in the palm of your hand, and it just might help you get some of your friends back.
If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, allow these preschoolers to explain it to you… oh, and skip to the end if you want to remain sane…
If you don’t believe me about how gross this is, watch this…
And if you want to get supper freaked out, get high and watch this…
Alrighty then…wow.
So… in conclusion, sneeze (and cough) into your elbow so that everyone will like you, you’ll be a better member of society, and YOU WILL STOP PISSING ME OFF.
You’re welcome.