OK, let’s talk about drinks… for adults.
As humans, we need to (and absolutely want to) consume liquids on a regular basis. But at an ever increasing rate we are switching out the necessary ones for the ones that numb the generational trauma that fills us and surrounds us… yes, it is bleak, thanks for asking.
So, we should probably take a moment to remember that what we consume is the main contributor to how we feel and how healthy we are.
Here is a quick rundown of some common ones…
Water
You need it. Drink it.
According to the uber-wise Lyn-Genet Recitas, we should all be drinking half our weight in ounces each day, adding more depending on alcohol and caffeine intake, or heat and exercise. I like to do the pee test… we are shooting for a very pale yellow people.
Make sure it’s clean… Flint still doesn’t have clean water! That also means avoiding water in plastic bottles.
Oh and if you buy a nestle product, I’ll find you and smack it out of your goddamn hand.
Water is precious, and we are running out of drinkable versions of it. Do whatever you can to support the work of people trying to save us from the coming water apocalypse.
Coffee
You don’t need it. But it tastes so yummy.
Sorry. it’s good on paper, but like all yummy things, we overdo it so much that it hurts us.
Sure, I heard about those awesome studies about how coffee can do this and that for you ( I especially love the one where you put it up your butt). But do we need coffee, nope. It can make your body dependent on it (the reason quitting it is so fucking horrible), it can mess with your stress hormones and your sleep patterns, and for some people with adrenal issues, it’s down right bad for you.
The easiest way to check to see if coffee is doing you more harm than good is to SLOWLY wean yourself off, then see how you feel. Most of you will feel much better… well, at least until you slip up and feed your addiction once again.
Tea
You don’t need it. Or do you? ? Oh, I love it. It’s great for the most part. It can even be medicinal.
Eh. I don’t really feel like trash talking tea at the moment. But watch the caffeine will ya?
Soda
You don’t need it. It’s full of caffeine and sugar. It tastes good, sure. But the caffeine and the sugar and the chemicals… damn!
Too much sugar… your teeth get a double whammy of sugar and acid, which rots them. You better have dental insurance. And sugar totally fucks your immune system. And you can’t ever balance out the amount of calories from too much of it with enough physical activity.
Caffeine… well, see above. But be aware, sometimes we forget how much we are consuming when it’s not ‘coffee’.
And the artificial sweeteners in diet sodas are at best making you actually gain MORE weight, and at worst… increasing your risk of diabetes and cancer. But I guess you can get diabetes and cancer from the non-diet ones too… so… hmmm… what to do… oh, I got it… DON”T DRINK A LOT OF SODA!
Juice
You don’t need it. Some is good, some is not so good, some is just sugar with fruit flavor… read the labels people!
Many of the young folks these days like to make juice, buy juice, and build artisanal industries around designer juice… I’m looking at you Brooklyn. But I doubt many know whether or not they are actually healthy.
First, juices will begin to loose nutrient content immediately. So if you are drinking them for your vitamins and minerals, you might not be getting what you think you’re getting.
Fruit juices are basically just sugar and water. its much healthier to make smoothies instead, so at least you get the fiber (which is unbelievably important to your well-being).
Vegetable juices… wait aren’t they all vegetables… but fruits have seeds… but does that make a cucumber a fruit… wait… ok, anyhoo, these juices are less sugar and water with little to no fiber either.
The main concerns are the sugar vs fiber content, and the effects of certain other compounds on your health, things like goiterogens (which will knock out your thyroid) and proteins that are difficult to digest (which will lead to inflammation).
Basically, if you choose your juice content wisely, keep the sugar to a minimum, and drink them immediately, then its a nice way to get some nutrients and some liquid… occasionally.
Milk
You don’t need it. Well, unless it’s the only way you can get protein (or calcium)… but let’s be honest, that ain’t you. About a third of the population can digest it… but let’s be honest, that ain’t you either.
Raw milk is easier to digest than pasteurized because it still contains the enzymes needed for proper digestion.
A2 is a type of milk from A2 cows that is gaining popularity. Its proteins have been shown to be easier to digest.
Goat and sheep may be easier for some people to digest than cow, but it smells like farm ass.
Bottom line… cow milk is for baby cows and human milk is for baby humans… you can get your protein, calcium, and vit D from much healthier sources (hint: they’re green).
Alcohol
You don’t need it… wait… that can’t be right… yes… yes you do need it… no no no, seriously, you don’t, but I do… especially tequila… ok, wait… lets back up…
Alcohol has been around for-e-ver. There’s a reason for that… life sucks and we need to dull the pain.
Obviously, too much is bad. Long term use is bad. It can be dangerous to you and those around you.
Be careful. Replace the water that’s lost because of its diuretic properties. Don’t do anything important while drinking it. Don’t ever give it to non-adults.
Kombucha
Meh… blah blah blah fermented… blah blah blah probiotics…. blah blah blah…
Sports Drinks
Hmmm, being raised on Gartorgum this one is a head scratcher… there are certain nutrients that get depleted from intense exercise, and people who engaged in intense exercise may benefit from certain sports drinks… but let’s be honest, that definitely ain’t you. So, basically it’s a waste of money (and there’s probably a ton of sugar to process too).
whatever the fuck ‘Energy Drinks’ are
“Energy” is a clever marketing word meant to convince you that consuming the high levels of vitamins, caffeine, and other stimulants in these drinks are somehow healthy for you, because how can energy be bad, right?
Lets be clear, these drinks are kind of like drugs. They have addictive properties. They are damaging to your organs. And they have killed people who overdose on them. Some places have already started banning the sale of them to minors.
Do what you want to do with these things, but there’s nothing really good about them.
Well, there you go. Drink responsibly. And by responsibly, I don’t just mean don’t kill others, I mean don’t kill yourself… and please… drink your damn water!